Something I might be learning

So today i drove early this morning to my life coach. I like that term better than "Dr so and so."It was pretty driving thru the palouse but nothing is that fun at 7am. She is an understanding and kind soul. I thought it was time to seek someone on a professional level that could help me make sense of this drama and also help me see new roles that I need to play rather than the ones we've tried that just haven't worked. She told me somethings that I liked and some that I didn't. One thing she told me was that there is a theory that all people can be divided into 3 basic personality types: 1) those that move towards other people 2) those that move away from other people and 3) those that move against other people. Having not met my husband she imagines from our conversations that I am defnitely one that is moving towards other people, I like the caretaker role, I like to be surrounded by others, I value relationship over all else, I like to promote good feelings among people, I will endure personal discomfort to do a good turn for the key people in their lives. And at times we find oursleves married to those that move away from other people, a la my husband. This type of person -asocial behavior and an almost indifference to others. If they don't get involved with others, they can't be hurt by them. While it protects them from emotional pain of relationships, it also keeps away all positive aspects of relationships. It leaves them feeling alone and empty. They want to be near but then push people away, the are creative in their needs and yet withdraw. She said that often happens that people who are getting healthy or working on "their lives" like Mike shift roles and its uncomfortable. As he works on himself I am supposed to stop taking care of him and start allowing him to be my husband instead of patient. When this was presented to me on Tuesday it was ugly. I was hurt and angry and basically flipped out. But when Dr Nicegirl explained it, I was okay with it intelluctually but still struggling with it emotionally. I have only really known caretaking with Mike. And now I need to sit back and let him take care of me. SHAW RIGHT? thats just not going to work out so well...... and I am scared.

Basically it comes down to this;

"If you can’t enjoy or bring acceptance to what you do, stop."
And just like that I realized that I wasn’t trapped in this marriage. I didn’t have to stay, but if I chose to stay, I needed to accept that this was the life I was living, with this husband, working with his mental illness and needing to figure out my own modifications/coping skills.
I decided to stay. I wanted to be married, and I got it. As soon as I made my the decision to accept the situation, a lot of my emotional turmoil went away. I was able to get my head into the game and get something out of it. It wasn’t awesome and I didn’t leave there feeling all warm and fuzzy but I felt better than when I arrived.
Acceptance is such a powerful tool, and she gave me a new way to think about it.

I am no where near well or happy. In fact I easily tear up, but I have a better perspective on this journey. Mike needs me as his wife, I am not good at boundaries, in fact I will vent about that later, but I need to stick to what I believe to be true and go from there. I need to accept what I have and work with it instead of against it.