confused...

this is a weird time for me
half of me wants to be so excited that its the holidays.
great music playing in the background,
lights on all the houses as you drive down the street
decorations going up all over

but half of my life is missing
mike is gone and at times i miss him horribly
i don't really know what i miss
he has been sick for a long long time
and he's never done well around the holidays
but i miss having him here. i miss just being in his presence
i miss jake too. its just been since march that he moved to his mom's

the kids usually spent Thanksgiving with their mom
'cause she did a big ole spread
thankfully this year savannah is staying home
I don't know what I would do if she left

i worked at the store today
making a darling vintage set of joy letters and a matching snowman
but the whole time i was sad
i don't plan on being sad, it just comes upon me
mike's birthday was Friday and he didn't want us to come and celebrate
this week will be Thanksgiving
i have to work at the State and hopefully help out at the store too

i want smile sincerely
laugh freely
and enjoy my family
but in reality i am sad, lonely and feeling awkward
those are way out of my character.....