MAJOR Vent time

If you've come here today then you might be "my people"
People that I trust to hear my heart and news and stuff today isn't pretty
Last week Mike was sent to the ICU of his hospital to be detained, the process is brutal and everday he has gotten worse. Detained means that he was going to be committed to a State Hospital and the state would provide his treatment services till he was safe to be in a group home or home. This process isn't fun and its difficult. Well today we found out that the judge/prosecutor dismissed the filing and there would not be court today. This is due to a law that states that a person can't be a voluntary patient in a hospital and be detained. He would have had to state to the examiner and the hospital staff that he wanted to leave and thats why they were detaining him. I feel betrayed, hurt, lied too and so many more feelings that I don't have words to express.

Last week when I got the phone call that Mike was going to have to go to the ICU in order to be detained. I knew it wasn't going to go well. I was told that it was part of the process, in order to get someone committed they had to be in the most acute care level. As mike was there he got worse and worse. I kept asking if they could program him, or make changes so that he would be able to be with people who were getting better and not just walking the halls talking to themselves. He got so bad yesterday that he wouldn't contract for safety, they had to take his clothing from his room so he didn't try to fashion something to choke himself. Anyway.... now today because this petition was filed incorrectly, I asked calmly, then refile the petition.... but the doctor who is an all knowing prick is back pedaling and is thinking they will pursue other treatment plans. holy fuck, did we just put this man thru absolute hell, and me too for nothing? I yelled at everyone today, the reviewer times two, the social worker, her supervisor, his old caseworker, my mom, hell even the dogs. I still feel horrible. I had to leave work 'cause I couldn't stop crying. My mom doesn't know what to do or how to help. I don't have any words to express my anger, my frustration, how pissed I am at mike that he doesn't want to live anymore, why is he putting me thru this, why doesn't he care about anyone else but himself. I want to throttle his mom for abusing him so badly as I child... and so on.

The worst part of all of this is that the new social worker today convinced mike that it was incredibly expensive to be in the State hospital and that there might be other options. who does she think she is? she has been his case manager for 5 fucking days, she didn't even know his history till friday. I have called, I have been nice, I have been not so nice, I have cried, I have thrown my hands up in the air, I have ranted, I have fell on the bed in utter exhaustion and still he doesn't want to live.

At this point, I fucking don't care. If he died in the hospital we would be rich and I would live on some island and you'all could visit me. If they let him out and he dies oh well. I am tired of trying. I want a happy life. I want to smile again and mean it. I don't want to spend a few hours with people and then run out of words. I want to have normal conversations that don't revolve around depression etc.

If one more person tells me to "take care of myself" I am going to kick them!